Christmas for the survivor

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me
A remote for our color TV (him having wore out the first one)

On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me
2 cordless drills (they can never have enough of them) and a remote for our color TV

On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me
3 French maids ( hmmm I’m beginning to wonder who these gifts are for ) 2 cordless drills and a remote for our color TV

On the forth day of Christmas my true love sent to me
4 calling cards (pre pay for the mobile phone hmmm whys he wanting to cut out the itemized bill) 3 French maids, 2 cordless drills and a remote for our color TV

On the fifth day of Christmas my true love left for me
5 golden ring pulls ( as well as the assorted empty cans of beer left around the living room ) 4 calling cards.3 French maids, 2 cordless drills, and a remote for our color TV

On the 6th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
6 geese for stuffing ( he could of asked me about hosting the darned office Christmas meal ) 5 golden ring pulls, 4 calling cards, 3 French maids, 2 cordless drills and a remote for the color TV

On the 7th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
7 salmon for skinning ( co's he buggered off fishing all day leaving me to handle the preparations for Christmas party on my own ) 6 geese for stuffing, 5 golden ring pulls, 4 calling cards, 3 French maids, 2 cordless drills, and a remote for the color TV

On the 8th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
8 maids a calling ( hmm they hung up pretty darned quick when I answered the phone) 7 salmon for skinning (coming to think of it they didn’t seem that fresh hmmmm ) 6 geese for stuffing, 5 golden ring pulls, 4 calling cards, 3 French maids, 2 cordless drills, and a remote for the color TV

On the 9th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
9 hours wondering ( hmm where the heck he’s got to …he only popped out for some cigs ) 8 maids a calling ( hmm is there a connection there) 7 salmon for skinning ( they defiantly were not fresh) 6 geese for stuffing, 5 golden ring pulls, 4 calling cards, 3 French maids, 2 cordless drills and a remote for the color TV

On the 10th day of Christmas my true love is really starting to piss me off
10 pals are playing( that darned play station going to end up where the sun don’t shine) 9 hours wondering, 8 maids a calling, 7 salmon for skinning, 6 geese for stuffing, 5 golden ring pulls, 4 calling cards, 3 French maids, 2 cordless drills, and a remote for the color TV

On the 11th day of Christmas my true love sent to me
11 ladies leering ( now I know why he didn’t want me to attend this darned party ) 10 pals are playing, 9 hours wondering, 8 maids a calling, 7 salmon for skinning, 6 geese for stuffing, 5 golden ring pulls, 4 calling cards, 3 French maids, 2 cordless drills, and a remote for the color TV

On the 12th day of Christmas I left his sorry behind , served the divorce papers …and now I’m off to find some lords to leap on

night before Xmas

twas the night before Christmas and all through the house not a creature was stirring ( all being in a medicated stupor ) not even the mouse ( who the heck has time for computers on Christmas eve )
stocking were hung by the chimney with no care
trousers and linen draped by the chair
children were nestled all snug in their beds
santas not coming if you get up were the threats
papa with pink pills and mine pleasant blue
last minute chaos with to much to do
when out on the lawn there arose such a clatter
i sprung to the window to see whats the matter
the tree had fell over to heavily draped
the lights had exploded now fire they make
the moon on the breast of the new fallen snow
the fire gave luster to the chaos below
when what to my wonder eyes should appear
but a miniature sleigh and eight tiny reindeer
with a little old driver so lively and quick
i knew in a moment my meds made me sick