on suicide






Shooting Star

The velvet dark of a cold and crystal night
Casting hidden jewels for our delight
Such generosity beyond compare
Sprinkling shinning gem drops for us to share

My face raised to heavens as I close my eyes
To wish upon a falling star
To share in its demise

lost soul

joy from the heart to swallow
happyness is sure to follow
manic laughter felt so deep
peacefull often led to sleep

open heart and joy behold
happyness for all is sold
spring morning in the winter bloom
banish sorrow banish doom

the truth for all is there to see
smiles and laughter joy and glee
peace of heart and mind and soul
happyness has but one easy toll

cant make it

i cant make it
i cant take it
i dont want to any more
take my heart and break it
thats fine i think your sure

betray a trust
then cast away
torn asunder
trod on under
its all fine and good
treated me like the likes of me should
i knew where i stood
no principle is needed
so long as you succeeded
no apoligy is nessary
no guilt or shame is made to carry
my life predestined to reap
i wish that i could sleep
i cant make it i cant take it
i dont want to it more

velvet darkness

Taste… the velvet darkness
Inhale… the pitch of night
Feel… the crushing power probing
with…  it’s overwhelming might

Swallow… as it invades you
Feel… it swell within your chest
The dark is taking over…

…….soon… nothing else is left

Whispers… from the shadows
Seduced… within its folds
Listen… to the spectre’s promise
Of the pain it can withhold

Its hand is held before you
As you reach to take its grasp
Hesitation in your movements
Could you now forget your past?

No demons now to haunt you?
To tear your frail flesh
The last of all invasions?
Is now the time rest?

One last breath of darkness
One final step to take
Embrace the clasp of shadows
Only one choice left to make………………………….


Silent Sleep

To sleep the sound sleep of silence
To lie an a cloud lined bed
Floating through the star strewn skies
As I lay down my weary head


last goodbyes

Crimson raindrops fall… pitter-patter… from smiling wrist
Testament to cries for help… that we so cruelly missed
A rainbow guzzled greedily red, white, blue and green
Glazed eyes stare accusingly… as they smile so serene

The whispered hiss of peace fills the nostrils and the air
Testament to the lack of love and care
Blue steel sheen clutched so tight… to palm and head
An echoing reminder of things so cruelly said

Silence now whispering of our total contempt
The lost souls never helped, their lives completely spent
How many must slip through open palm
How many is it possible to keep from hate and harm


Twisting torment burns
Mind turns
Mired in senseless pain
Misery wash over me
As darkness comes to claim



Alone i cry my silent crystal tears .. Smiles of
illusion .. hide an ocean of deepest fears ..
Desolation .. Mutilation .. alone .. my screams are
never heard .. above the muttering insanity .. of the
deeply disturbed.

I stand on mountain top .. all around .. silence ..
gusting over me .. deafening .. agonising .. sound ..
Roaring through my head endlessly .. Blocking out ..
locking out .. all hope and light to see

I drown beneath dark ocean wave .. ice cold water ..
pounding .. hounding .. screaming from the grave ..
The preasure .. closing .. enfolding .. crushing ..
smothering .. me .. No rescue iminent to late to be

Darkness closes .. drawing .. nearer .. tearing ..
ripping .. at my soul .. destroying .. my being ..
destroying my whole .. Emptyness .. lonlyness ..
incompleat .. shell .. No one to rescue me .. from ..
this living hell

No way out .. no escape .. no hope .. no one to care
.. No one to run to .. too much to bear .. Pills
forced temptingly .. pushed into my hand .. whispering
promises .. tantalizing .. fantasising .. to much to
with stand

Almost of its own will my hand rises .. to my tourterd
twisted face .. willing me .. chilling me .. seducing
and inducing me .. to a final .. peace full .. silent
.. last embrace .. Swallowing greedily .. i consume my
last salvation .. for the first time i close my eyes
in quite .. peacefull .. calm ..contemplation



She sits within the corner tears streaming down her face
Isolated in her solitude lost within her space
Scenes flow throughout her memory of times so long ago
Her mind is stuck on replay, she’s trapped, no place to go

Mired in her misery… horror haunts her mind
She’s looked so hard for new escape… there’s non-for her to find
No one to truly miss her… no one to truly care
No one she feels would notice, if she wasn’t really there

She’s tired now of misery
She’s tired of the solitude
She’s tired of constant battling
Of what she has endured

What’s the point of struggling? Why the need to fight?
Does it really even matter… if she gave up now this night?
Why is she expected… to live this life of hell?
She knows there is no answer; she knows she wont get well

She wipes the teardrops from her eyes, as smile lights her face
Serenity and peace of mind… as hope takes horrors place
She knows now of the answer, to chase the terror and despair
Realisation what to do… escape from pain she has to bear

She rises from her corner moves from within her torture mind
She hunts throughout her house for all the bottles she can find
Taking a glass of water she swallows all she can consume
A smile on her velvet lips as she walks toward her room

Laying down her troubles as she lays upon her bed
A contented sigh of peacefulness as she lays down her troubled head
Idly she wonders just how long she’ll lay
Before finally some one notices and takes her body away

A single tear of solitude as she waits for deaths sweet touch
The cruelties of a harsh life she found at last too much
No more agony, no more pain, no more hate no fear
Her body grows colder to the touch… on her white cheeks a single tear


sleep to ease
sleep to please
sleep to rest
sweet mind caress

sleep to heal
sleep to steal
sleep for mind
so difficult to find
to sleep

Sweet sleep will you be mine

to sleep

Sweet sleep will you be mine
Whisper in my ear till the end of time
Scar the heart with word of rhyme
Sweet sleep when will you be mine

Peace of mind a fallacy
Ease of soul be not for me
Torn and tortured black mine heart
Drawn to pain lest I depart

Twisted sick soul be mine
Drawn to evil goal to the end of time
Driving my truest friends away
Allowing only sickened foe to stay

Mired in my own self pity true
Thy contempt I deserve so venomently do
Lost in the pitch of darkest night
I be the reapers laughing delight

Blanket of darkness smothering crushing me
Drawing in..Empty hollow all thy see
Despised, disparaged, hated, sickened be my soul
Drawn to pain. Twisted be my goal

No cause to lay blame that be mine my own
Reaping the rewards of evil seeds Iv sown
Thy hate I take.... thy venom thy scorn
Blackened heart and soul that’s torn

Selfish misery mine.... Contempt for sure
Foolish to think of possible cure
What right think I of happiness?
When I made of my life a twisted mess

Hate spewed bile emotions vile
My self to blame for most my trial
Drawn to lashing fist... unlovable twist
Stalking deaths shadow his blade missed

Blame me myself for twisted mind
Something turns me from those that’s kind
Mired in self-pity, self despair, self-destruction I find
A black heart a twisted soul the blame be mine

Sickness of the mind excuse for the weak
Pill popping happiness no goal to seek
Curled in on my self in despair and hate
Sealed my past sealed my fate

Punishment for what I alone allowed?
Abuse, death, and violence all Iv found
Payment for my blackened heart?
My hate my venom my bile… so much a part

OOOOOOOh when will sweet sleep be mine
I can’t suffer this torture till the end of timear till the end of time
Scar the heart with word of rhyme
Sweet sleep when will you be mine


Is This The End

To die to sleep
Which to choose
Who would loose?

Do I have the right?
The strength to fight

Take the decision from me and let it end
Natural closure
To the poison pen

To choose to choose
Who would win? who would loose?

I know what awaits the weary eye
Need… wants… hopes denied

I pray for a merciful end
Empty darkness
No thoughts to lend

To die to sleep
I know which I would choose
Should I have the right?
No more anguished haunted nights

to know

to have the sentance written
to hang it over head
to know your life is worth less
than some hours spent in bed

to feel the walls cave in on you
to know that so few care
to know you have no rights to call
is more than most should bear

i know i have no right to anger
i know that gratitude should rule
but given presant circumstance
it makes me feel like a fool

russian ruellet played on reliance
no one can hope to win
for though theres some luck with you
that luck will soon wear thin

so where to now if all is lost
do i wail and bemoan
or do i simply go to sleep
in that which i called home

i have no wish to  wait for cancer
nor no no will to wait for painfull death
i think id rather have some fun
as i wait for my last breath

no guilt and no apoligy
it seems i am not worth
so why waste emotional torment
and cause others such great mirth

it feels like a conspirocy
for every where i turn
i know its simple parinoia
but still my fingers burn

nothing left with in my grasp
no hope left to bear
no one else to turn to
no one who really even cares

quick death left as the only hope
to die with in my sleep
before the cells all start to turn
and cancer starts to creep

obligation are fullfilled
for those i care are kept
nothing now to stop me
nothing left now for regret