on lost love






lost love

How could I just stand and watch you
As you calmly walked away
My whole life fell around me
How I wished that you could stay

As I turned my back upon you
So you wouldn’t see my tears
I kept silent on my feelings
kept a reign upon my fears

as you walked into the sunset
as you walked away from me
in knew that there was no turning back
i knew it was never meant to be


do you hear

so many times iv spoken
and youve turned your ear away
and yet iv always listend
to what you had to say

so now i sit in silence
alone here by your side
whilst deep down in my lonely heart
iv withered and iv died

my silent tears have fallen
as you lay down next to me
you claim to look and listen
and yet you never really see

complaints about just what i say
and what i need to do
but most the time admonishment
is all that will get through

why dont you ever listen
why dont you ever see
why dont you ever bother
when you claim that you love meth


the distance grows

the distance grows between us
as i feel you fade away
i know just how your feeling
but i dont know what to say

im lost deep down in side of me
i dont know who i am
some where i faded plain to see
dont know when it began

one day so very long ago
with all our hopes and dreams
we knew where we were going
we knew we were a team

but now im locked within these walls
as i watch your life go by
im isolated on my own
and deep down inside i die

i dont know where i am going
i dont know just who i am
my hopes and dreams did fade away
dont know where it began

these roles they dont define me
they isolate, confine me
and as i watch your life go by
the loneleness reminds me

i dont know just where im going
i dont know just who i am
my hopes and dreams did fade away
and i dont know if we can

rekindle what we once knew
be who we were before
be reading from the same page
be who we were and more.



I feel revulsion in the your touch of love
Is it paranoia haunting me?
Disgusting in what you’re seeing?
Is it time for me to flee?

Brows furrowed… in times of tenderness
Conection incomplete
Are you sorry you thought you loved me?
Are you sorry we had to meet?

Do you feel as though I trapped you
Do you feel as though I lied
Do you feel you are beholden
To much I did confied

So many thoughts and feelings
flow though out my troubled mind
Are you sorry that you ever met me
Fear the trouble you may find


empty loving

Prove you feel the way you say
Win my heart not… with compliments you pay
Spend not money… talk not in petty rhyme
Prove true feelings in deed in thought in time

An old fashion romance I blush but its true
Where’s the real connection between me and you
I dream of the flowers… the calls of romance
Fulfilled expectations… in this… the last dance

Prove… I’m not just… some convenient way
A challenge… to pass… the most tedious day
I trust not in studied… sentimented    phrase
Prove your true feelings in other… less concrete ways

Hear my heart, hear my hopes… hear my mind and fears
Be my shinning night as my demons draw near
Take the time… make the time…to know me true
Though I know in my shadow… you could not see it through

false siren

Remove the mask of darkness
Remove… obscurity
Remove… anticipation
Remove… the cloak…of mystery

All that went before you
All… that was before
All the hopes and dreams of (platitude)
……… as nothing… you once saw

Now bared… she stands before you
Imagery… stripped… from where she stood
No graceful smile… to light visage
No vision… of womanhood

Failing… In abundance
Marred flesh… to scold the eye
Repulsed by wanton longing
The ungainly way she’d try

No sirens song to weave you
Dealt harsh reality
No false visage to tempt you
Only the imperfection which you see


I offered you up this cold dead imperfection
Served my soul… on a platter of cold frozen steel
As I passed the platter to you… for your safe keeping
I caught the glimmer of reflection… a glimpse of what was real

Through glazed eyes I watched as you entombed me
With frozen heart I allowed your deaths dark touch
With silent screams I weakly begged for freedom
With lose of dreams I gave you far too much

Now as I struggle listless for my sanctuary
Now weakened with the battle for my mind
I look deeply for my source and sense of freedom
Only to see there’s non-left there to find

no more

I wandered through the darkness alone its true
listened to comments …from those who never knew
But who needs comments… from a foolish man
one that’s allowed the loss … of all he can
You like pretty poems …husband dear
on dark and true …I waste my time … you fear
well news for you …my husband fine
you know not poetry from simple rhyme
Once I allowed your views and comments ruin my life
but why should I listen …to a man …loosing his wife
your petty comments …your blind retort
were never wanted …never sought
You made my life so dark …so blind
issued your petty orders …from an empty mind
I spit on your values …and all you hold true
poor sad rejected …lonely fool
You never understood that I should want to die
when probably you are the main reason why
your verbal blows …more destroying to mind
than your drunken “caresses” could ever find
Now your feigned care …I know not true
in desperation …you only do
Fear of the loss of a slave …and your whore
pretence of care …you think the cure
I thank you for your insistence that saved my life
but pills or not you still lose …your wife
and as I laugh at your life …destroyed
remember the vengeance from the one you toyed
leave my mind... leave my soul...
leave my heart...PLEASE let go
leave my life...leave my home
leave my darkness...leave me ALONE


Rue... for the wrath of the wanton
Fear... a woman's bitter blow
To take a heart... within her power
Rippling fingers... grasping.... Hard and slow

Exhilaration... in mass destruction
To feel the lovers heart... begin to bleed
To know she hold the ultimate weapon
To know she will succeed

broken vows

On this day i give to you (a lie so i can get a housekeeper free)
a promise.. of a cherished life anew
My hope my streangth my love for you ( does not exsist )
with this band a promise true (that if you dont clean house as i want it ill make your life hell forever)

you took me into your life (with lies of love )
and taught me how to hope once more (so you might be able to dash it)
you gave me your streangth (so you could destroy it)
and i was stronger than before (untill you thought it safe to show the real you)
you took me into your heart (so you claimed but you have no heart)
and taught me that there was love with out pain ( it just wasnt obtainable for me)
we have learned together (learned that your a monsterouse asshole with no comppasion remorse guilt or responsability)
that when all else is taken our love will always remain (my love for you and your love for..you)
and so i give you freely with this golden band (or was it a slave chain)
my streangth my hope my love forever (so you might destroy it and me as you see fit)
where ever you may stand (hopefully as far away from me as possible 6 ft under would be nice)

I Cant Take It

i cant make it
i cant take it
i dont want to any more
take my heart and break it
thats fine i think your sure


betray a trust
then cast away
torn asunder
trod on under
its all fine and good
treated me like the likes of me should
i knew where i stood
no principle is needed
so long as you succeeded
no apoligy is nessary
no guilt or shame is made to carry
my life predestined to reap
i wish that i could sleep
i cant make it i cant take it
i dont want to it more

crystal fool

Crystal tears drops… catch the light
Wonder where you were last night
As I lay upon our empty bed…
Memorys flowing… over what you said

Did I ever hear you whisper
Those words I felt for you
Was only in my longing
Was I playing
the crystal fool

jelouse whispers

Dark whispers in his ear
Clouded thoughts
Mistaken fear

Words to cut through softend heart
Words to tear the bonds apart

Strike deep the sword b true
A wounded heart
Torn already new

Easy target for words to cut through

the night we faught

the night we faught... before you left
i felt my word.. fall on ears thats deaf
you didnt try.. to understand
you didnt try.. to give me your hand

but you always were.. a selfish pig
and really sweet heart.. your such a prick
you think a stink dont come from it
but listen darling... your full of shit

was worried sick.. what the testing showed
i was in no mood... to be pushed and told
when you held your hands.. over deafend ears
did your lala song... like your age 4 years

i kinda knew... you were a brat
your constant temper... a tantrum act
and things... always had to be..
the way you wanted... to hell with me

all night long... you had badgerd me
for two years straight... you degraded me
there was nothing ever.. that i could do
because nothing... ever... pleases you

ill admit... that i did miss deed
but when you started .. teasing me
i was in no mood... for your stupid test
my coffee landed... full in your chest

you stood up high.. and dried your skin
not a mark.. from the coffee thing
but yet your anger .. had scalded you
you looked square on.. knew what youlld do

first you pounced.. then you grabed my hair
your knee pressed hard... though the problems there
slamming my head... off of walls by bed
and in that look .. i thought i was dead

your punches.. fell upon my cheek
a shoulder wrenched... hurt for a week
and then you laughed... said i deserved
i found your words... just so absurd 

a few days later... the tests were back
results were poor... they were really bad
a chance of death.. then you left me
you left us nothing... no way to feed

you wished so bad ... to isolate
left not a cent... left us to fate
you made us beg.. to just survive
you found your pleasuer... when you made me cry

with threats of cutting... utilitys
you thought to bully... me to my knees
you knew id die... with no suport
and yet you gave me... not a thought

you whined how rough .. it was for you
by god im glad.. that we are through
you think an effort.. would be a waste
you thougt a smile... i should not grace

why waste the monney ... is what you said
in case real soon... id end up dead
it was right then... i finally knew
that i was better off... with out you

oh husband dear... you make me sick.... 
your constant whining... and your sad limp dick...
and how i hated you when you took my dell...
and now i hope... you rot in hell

you thought yould leave me... all alone...
but when you left.... i was on the phone...
you thought id miss... your whining ass...
but now youve left... im free at last...

soon as the word... did get around
your loss my dear.. was there luck found
you though me trash... but they disagree
theres more out there .. want  to romance me

when you were here... i took your crap
but you know... i always got you back
your special supper... with my additive
ground beef stew... with laxative

what ever i did...it was not enough
to dissagree... put you in a huff
but do you know dear... YOUR plate was clean
the puppy helped... know what i mean?

your constant fuss... they werent washed enough
so i figuered... you could get stuffed
of a plate... that was made to shine
and the puppy helped.. it did just fine

your coffee later... how you relished it
but did you know dear... it was full of spit
that night of "passion" that night of sin
i moaned... frustration... were you even in ???

and later nights.. it wasnt worth the try
so i made for you... special apple pie
oh how i wished... youlld leave me alone
the special spice was trazadone

its such a shame... that i stood by you
because i know... now we are through
and there i helped... you loose your weight
the only reason.. that we werent late

with a simple test...to your abdomin
the found a problem... anurisim
and now i wish... instead of health
with junk food id let you... stuff yourself

and by your side... i stood by you
molestation... with charges too
you told your side... though we know you lied
of what you did... to you own grandchild

and through it all... i stood by your side
through poverty... oh how i tried
to turn a shack... into a home
and now youve ended... up all alone

im haveing fun... even if i die
for the first time ever.. im alive
no boss to shout... no one to whine
im dateing now... and doing fine